I was born in Gorky, Russia.
After the Soviet Union dissolved when I was 7 years old, I learned that the real name of my city was Nizhniy Novgorod. That name was given to our city in the year 1221, when the city was first founded. Yes, you read that right: my hometown was built 799 years ago!
Old Kremlin walls formed the cool background of all downtown outings with friends and family. As a child, museum tours, theater visits, ballet, and the opera were a way of life.
While the Soviet Union was in power, many historical city and street names were replaced with the names of authors, politicians, and other famous individuals. Post-Soviet times, original names came back as did an appreciation for history.
During World War II, Gorky was a place of air raids and bombings; as it was a main supplier of military equipment. After the war, it gained the status of a “closed city” which meant it was closed to foreigners and wouldn’t show up on any maps. The government was trying to protect military research and production facilities. Even internal city maps didn’t exist until the mid-1970s; which was highly unusual for a city with a population of one million. Since I grew up during the transition between a closed Soviet city to an open market, I’ve learned to appreciate history. I also learned that what was considered a certainty one day could become obsolete the next. Looking back, those were my first lessons on adaptation and change management.
smarty pants
I am forever a little sister to an older brother. My path as a student in elementary, middle school, high school and even college was paved by my brother. He is extremely smart. If my brother had a great relationship with his teacher, I was golden. At times, though, he used his smarts to prove the teachers wrong. When that happened, he ruined that particular teacher for both of us. So many teachers had that inquisitive look on their face (after reading through the list of names during the first roll call of the year) when they realized that I was his sister. I always found this moment amusing. My brother and I don’t look anything alike.
He is 7 years older, over 6 feet tall, and blonde with green eyes. But since our last name was unique, they would question me every time. Changing classrooms was not an option in Russian schools. I had to be well aware what I was going into ahead of time, so I knew to act accordingly. Two examples stand out. The first happened in 5th or 6th grade, I can’t recall exactly. I had to take English and since our class was quite large, it was split into two groups. We were divided up based on our 'abilities.' The first group was considered the ‘strong group,’ while the second was labeled 'weak.'
My English teacher was strict and very proud of the fact that she got to teach 'strong' groups across all grade levels. She made snobby comments about other teachers and students and gave us assignments that were hard and boring. Other groups had fun learning songs, playing games in English, and enjoying their lessons. This teacher liked me (because she remembered and loved my brother), so when I didn’t show much interest in the subject, she made sure to remind me that my brother was doing really well in her class and that I should try harder. I really started dreading these lessons. At one point, in the middle of the school year, I approached a few of my friends from the 'weak' group and we plotted a plan for me to change groups.
Their teacher was kind and the lessons were fun. When I told my teacher that I wanted to transfer, she got mad and shouted at me. She told me that if I transferred, I would be in a loser group and that I would never in my life learn to speak English.
I guess I proved her wrong and I’ve learned that it is okay to speak up for yourself and break the Status Quo. I also learned that one person’s opinion of you does not define who you are and of what you are capable.
The second time I learned this lesson happened in college. That time, I was on the opposite side of my brother’s 'legacy.' That teacher despised my brother for being smart. I remember having a family dinner and discussing that I might have to change my last name prior to starting my third year of college (as there would be no way for me to pass that class). All because I was my brother’s sister. Long story short: she did try to fail me but I was very well prepared. I studied extra hard and had an answer for every question she asked. That’s when I learned to 'Be so good, they can’t ignore you'. (Quote by Steve Martin) My brother now lives in Russia and teaches at the academy under the Ministry of Internal Affairs. He loves his job. Teaching turned out to be his calling.
growing up
My favorite childhood memories include spending every summer with my brother and cousins on mom’s side at our grandparents summer house. The house itself was built in 1901. It was quite small and full of character. The family (4 kids and 6 adults) all shared the living space during the summer. There were four beds in the main room and two pull out couches in the 2nd room. The 2nd room also served as a dining room for the entire family. We also had a tiny kitchen that had just enough space to fit a stove, a kitchen sink, and a refrigerator.
There was no bathroom. We had an outhouse a few hundred feet away from the house and “Banya” – Russian sauna that was warmed up once a week for the weekend only. I grew up as a big city girl who spent 40% of the year in a village.
We had our summer routines; we would wake up to a re-run episode of whatever soap opera my grandma was into that particular month. She would have breakfast ready for us. After breakfast, we had to do our chores in the garden. We did the planting, weeding, cleaning, or whatever else needed to be done. Work came first, play time was later.
After lunch we had free time and all the kids in our cul-de-sac would get together and roam the streets. We played hide-and-seek, climbed trees, rode bikes, and hung out at each other’s houses to play board games. All of the parents had to work during the week. Every Friday, all the neighborhood kids would get together to wait. We would make friendly bets on whose parents would drive up first; it was before cell phones were a thing. There were only two or three people in the entire village who had a phone at their house and visiting those people was reserved for an emergency only. I can still remember the feeling of excitement when a familiar car made that turn into our street. The weekend would be full of family time and catching up. On Sunday night, parents had to go back to the city and all the kids would be outside playing again. Thinking about my childhood summers makes me smile.
to have and to hold
Upon reflection, I can really see how the first 20 years of my life shaped me into who I am today; my family has played a huge role in that. When I say family, it’s not just my mom, dad, my brother and I. It also includes my grandmothers and grandfathers, my mom’s sister, and her two boys. We all were very close. What I find the most interesting now is the roles of men and women in my family. Russia is a highly patriarchal and hierarchical society. Men were, and still are, extremely dominant in their communities, churches, workplaces, and in the government. As a little girl, I learned that you needed a man. As a woman, your sole purpose is to get married, have kids, be a mother, while supporting, respecting and ‘worshipping’ your husband. Growing up in my family I’ve observed the respect and ‘worship’ can go both ways. My grandfather was a very well-respected man in the community and within our family. His word was law and it was never questioned.
The love he had for my grandmother was infinite. He adored her and always treated her with respect. As a child, I always admired my grandparents and their relationship.
My father had, and still has, a similar attitude towards my mom. My grandfather set a great example for all of us. Unfortunately, he passed away from Cancer quite young. My grandmother never remarried.
Strong women
My dad’s mom became a widow even earlier; she also never remarried and maintained her household on her own with the help of her two sons. My aunt and godmother went through a divorce; which was unheard of and frowned upon in Soviet Russia. Her husband had a drinking problem. But against all social norms, she stood up for herself and her boys and filed for divorce. She is an incredible woman and she has been my inspiration since I was a little girl. She has raised two young men and is running multiple successful businesses now.
My mother was always there for us. Even though I always considered myself a daddy’s girl, I have a tremendous amount of respect for my mom. No one could ever cross her when it came to her children. She worked full time and supported the household. In a society that favored men, I grew up surrounded by very strong women. I’ve learned so much by simply watching them.
They taught me to never give up, to stand up for what’s right, and to not be afraid to break social norms. They taught me that I have a voice and I shouldn’t be afraid to use it. They raised me to be a strong, independent woman.
My Journey to Citizenship
Last year was a big year for me. I became an American citizen. It was an incredible moment and it meant the world to me that my children and my husband got to be there to witness it. I came to this country 15 years ago with a bag full of summer clothes and five hundred dollars; which I promptly spent on a bunch of fun souvenirs for my friends and family. At the time, I had full intentions of going back home at the end of the exchange program. However, after the program came to an end, I wound up enrolling at DSU and started my journey towards a Bachelor of Arts degree in Business Administration with Management & Leadership minors.
Fun Fact: I didn’t speak much English at the time, so doing my homework looked something like this:
1) Translate the assignment into Russian.
2) Do my homework in Russian.
3) Translate it into English.
Endless hours of hard work followed sleepless nights but it was worth it: I got a 4.0 GPA that semester.
After completing my first two years at DSU, I got an internship with Titan Machinery, based in West Fargo, ND. That internship ended up being a life changer for me. Not only did I get a summer job that paid for school but I also gained a true family.
Peter and Stephanie Christianson have accepted me as their own, and their family became my American family. With their advice and support, I transferred from DSU to Minnesota State University Moorhead and graduated with a 4-year degree in three years. I continued working at Titan Machinery for the next 10 years and grew with the company as it went from being private, to public, and then international. But at the 10-year mark, I felt as though I had hit a growth ceiling.
Leaving My American Family
Leaving Titan Machinery was a hard decision to make. I had spent 10 great years with the company. I had formed great relationships with everyone (I am not exaggerating), grew up with the company, and learned so many lessons. Titan was (and still is) family. Once I made the decision and accepted the offer there was no way back. When I told my manager, (who was also a great mentor) we both tried to hold back the tears. He said he needed to talk to the CEO and asked if anything could be done to keep me. I told him that they shouldn't even try to counter. He asked, 'Why, will it change your mind?' I replied, 'No, but it will be very hard to explain to my husband why I turned down a better offer.'
Quite often I have seen an employee put in his or her two weeks' notice only to get a counteroffer and stay with the company. 99% of the time, those employees would still leave in a year or two. There are always reasons why people start to look for another job. Extra money does not compensate for those reasons. If you are not happy, and ready to leave, do yourself (and your company) a favor and leave!
The internal struggle was real. I had so many questions running through my mind. ‘Am I doing the right thing? What if new job is not what I expected?’ I loved my job and I enjoyed the people I worked with. But deep down I knew there was a limit to how much I could grow personally and professionally if I stayed. On my last day, I went upstairs to say goodbye to the CEO. He was sitting behind his desk, covered in piles of documents. I thanked him for all of the great years and the contribution he made to my life and career. And then it happened.
He looked at me and said ‘You are just that same little girl running in the hallway.’ That was the validation I was looking for. I felt relieved. I knew that I was making the right decision. 10 years with the company, multiple company-wide projects completed, and the CEO who made all the decisions on key positions still thought of me as a ‘little girl.’ There was no changing that. It was time to move on, and now I had no doubts about it.
Moving to Texas
Things were going great at my new job, until four months into my new role when an announcement came out that we were being acquired by the company located in Plano, Texas. My uncertainty spiked even higher, when just a few months later, the person that hired me left the company. That night, I came home and asked my husband what his thoughts were on moving to Texas. About a month later, our house in North Dakota was on the market and in November of 2017, we booked a one-way ticket to DFW. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my husband for going with the flow and supporting me in my decision to move.
I strongly believe that if you want to pursue an opportunity, you have to take risks and be flexible. It’s the law of tradeoffs. You have to give up good for great. Many people went through the exact same transition with a very different result and it left them feeling bitter. I moved to Texas for a Director position. One year later, I was promoted to Vice President; overseeing Internal Audit and Financial Compliance functions for Aimbridge Hospitality. I know for a fact; this would not be possible if I didn’t take that chance.
Leadership & Personal Development
Five years ago, I applied and was selected to participate in 35 under 35 Women’s Leadership program; developed and run by United Way in conjunction with the leaders from Dale Carnegie Training center. Participation in that program became a pivotal moment in my life. That was when I was first truly introduced to the concepts of personal growth and development. As participants, we’ve started by learning about our strength through the Clifton Strengths finder tool. Which was a great first step. Over the next six months, we covered topics on public speaking, having difficult conversations, community involvement, and volunteering. We got to meet and have conversations with community and business leaders. This program taught me to think strategically and made me fall in love with personal development.
My first promotion to the management position happened during this program; through the recommendation of one of the 35ers. I also discovered “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s COO. This book became the foundation for my career growth. Sheryl became a mentor, even though I’ve never personally met her. I hope someday I get to meet her and thank her for writing this book and sharing her experiences with all of us.
It was then, that I finally admitted to myself that I enjoy both: being a mom and working full time. It was then, that I stopped feeling guilty about working full time, and not being with my kids so much. It was then, that I started focusing on my career growth and magic started to happen.
Around that same time, I got an opportunity to work with an executive coach. He saw the potential in me long before I did.We started meeting monthly and through the series of conversations and assignments, I saw that too. These coaching sessions helped me to learn more about myself and to become very intentional about my development, my personal goals, and pursuing my interests. I was, and still am, very grateful to 35 under 35 Leaders and to my coach. They’ve inspired me to be better and to continue along the path of personal development.
They are the reason I am the leader I am today and the inspiration for my own coaching practice; as a John Maxwell Certified coach and trainer. I am proud and honored to be able to help young professionals, established leaders, and their teams the way I was helped. I am able to do that at Aimbridge Hospitality through Women’s Leadership, Empowerment, and Development program (WLEAD); and in my community, through Grow Lead Prosper. That’s a win-win. I have both: a job that I love and a business that I am proud of.
small business of the year
In October 2019, Grow Lead Prosper was awarded ‘Small Business of the Year’ by the Prosper Chamber of Commerce.It was an incredible validation that the work I am doing is needed and well received.
seeing the silver lining
My first few years in America, I struggled financially. As an international student with no credit history, I was not able to take out a loan. At the time, getting a loan wasn’t an option in Russia. My parents graciously covered tuition costs my first year; despite the fact that it meant borrowing an equivalent of their annual income from their friends. They wanted me to focus on my classes and learn English: so I did.
By the time my second year rolled around, I was going to school taking 20+ credits; and working the maximum allowable hours to pay for school myself. It was barely covering room and board. Every time I got a paycheck, I would simply sign off on it and hand it to the Business Office to cover a part of my tuition.
Those first few years were tough, and even though I wouldn’t want to go through it again, I wouldn’t change a thing. There were always wonderful people along the way who were willing to help.
empowering women
Through my career and my business, I’ve met so many wonderful and strong women who are fighting the same battles. We all play multiple roles on a daily basis – mom, wife, sister, business professional, business owner, coach, mentor, manager… the list can go on.
Integrating all those roles together is not easy. Not one single one of us can do it on her own. Sticking together and helping each other helps us all grow. I’ve become very intentional on how I spend my time, and who I spend my time with.
final thoughts
You are the reflection of the five people with whom you spend the most time. Take a minute to ponder this. Do you like what you see? Create your personal 'board of directors;' be around people that know your worth and remind you of it. Most importantly: BE that person for someone else.
—o.
Olya Brase is a wife, mother, and full-time Vice President at the world's 1st largest 3rd party hotel management company. She is the founder of Grow Lead Prosper and has discovered the power of personal development and coaching. Her business brings world-class training events to people across North Dallas. She believes you are your best investment. This is her story.
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